Please vote out of the two paragraphs, first one is straight into the action, and the second one is about my thoughts and feelings,you may vote in the comment box.
While we were walking through the bush we found a awesome water hole that all of us could swim in, when ever we want because it was so close to the batch we stayed in for Easter.The water hole had heaps of rocks in it, so we all had to be careful just in case we got hurt.We were exploring the water hole when we found a tree that we could swing on into the water which was really fun.
I wish I could swing off the tree, but my uncle said “no its to dangerous you could hurt yourself” so i didn't do it. My cousin was being cheeky by saying “ha ha, you’re not allowed to swing off the tree”.I felt sad for my uncle because he swung off and hurt his back and there was a big cut on his back.
Hi Marvin
ReplyDeleteIs your uncle all right hope he get's bertter soon.I would wish too go on the swing and
your uncle was right someone had got hurt.
I liked the second paragraph because I would like to go on the swing too.But I got hooked in this paragraph.
I did not like the frist paragragh because it did not get hooked in.
In your second paragraph you have a little i. But I like the second one best because the first one has too many things happening and it is confusing.
ReplyDelete